I've been doing a ton of thinking lately. Mostly because I've started to run more regularly and when I run I think.
Today's run made me think that this year has been an entire waste. Well, sort of. I did have a wonderful time doing a half marathon with my DH, one of the best experiences ever and I ran my 12th half marathon! But otherwise this year was a bust and let me tell you why.
Because I cared waaaay too much about what the damned bathroom scale said every morning, every evening and after every workout. Yes, I was weighing in that much. The logical side of my brain said this is ABSURD, a weight loss or weight gain is not a true reflection-at least not in one day. I let it get in my head, let it define me and how I was living my life. It is a monster that honestly took on a life of it's own! I stopped wearing cute clothes, stopped feeling sexy, I even missed runs because I hated how I looked in my running clothes.
I was enjoying the sunshine today even though my legs were screaming after my 7 miler yesterday and I was thinking about life, politics, social issues, and a little self-reflection.
What the heck have I been wasting my time on? An inanimate object that puts out a number...seriously? I've all but stopped running and loving life because of that. I've stopped taking care of myself because of that...ordering junk food and not exercising because of that!!!
What a loser!!! No seriously, that is the most losery thing I could let myself do. So, I came up with my top 10 reasons for why the scale is, quite likely, getting trashed.
1) It says absolutely nothing about who I am as a person. It bears no reflection upon my personality, good deeds, etc.
2) It wasn't making me a better runner...in fact I was letting it hold me back from doing one of the things I most love.
3) I wasn't paying attention to what I was eating. When the scale gave me feedback I didn't like I used it as a license to eat whatever because 'who cares.'
4) Worrying about that stupid thing gave me a low self-esteem which in turn halted any progress I was making on my schooling etc.
5) If I lived on the moon it would give me a totally different number.
6) I could be super duper skinny and still be super duper out of shape. I'd rather be able to do a pull up and bench press then be skinny and wimpy.
7) Jeans. Pretty clothing. I stopped wearing them.
8) I should be finishing my school-so that I can then start volunteering more again. My weight shouldn't impact my desire to help the causes I love.
9) I don't need the scale to tell me what/ how to live my life. I know what I need to be doing.
10) It was a waste of time. A HUGE FREAKING WASTE OF TIME! And I got absolutely nothing in return for it.
I know who I am as a person, I'm constantly trying to educate myself to become more informed on a variety of issues, I want to improve my overall fitness and health. I want to live a long healthy life with DH where we are 80 and still running half marathons together. Mostly I just want to do the best I can with the time given to make a positive impact on the world around me. I am really not sure how/ why I let that thing take on a life of its own, but it did. Instead of worrying about the how and the why I am going to move forward.
So....I am out of my slump, I am going to embrace life and live it to the fullest.
Without the bathroom scale.